


Gift Receipts

by hopelessdiamond



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: 100 Years of Pretending You Don't Love Someone, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Minor Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23511394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelessdiamond/pseuds/hopelessdiamond
Summary: “Feels like, I got handed that big check - you know, uh, what I’m talking about, the ones where they show up to your house with a D-lister and hand you the oversized piece of cardboard - and I’m standing there, and they’re asking me how I feel about my grand prize. World saved, fame, fortune, hot boyfriend, sister revived from beyond the grave, line of cookware with my name on it. And I just smile for the camera and set the damn thing on fire.”Blowing up your life, killing your past self, learning to be happy. Easy enough, right?
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides/Taako
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Gift Receipts

“Seriously? Seriously, _seriously_? You huge dumbass. You know that officially makes you the biggest dumbass, not just on this plane, but the entire concept of multiverses beyond our comprehension?” Taako is yelling, but he’s also laughing like a hyena, tears nearly forming at the edge of his eyes as he runs over across the deck of the ship to where Magnus is busy is reconstituting his own body out of light, walloping him on the shoulder as soon as he has a solid enough form to do so. 

“I didn’t think I’d actually beef it that hard!” Magnus doesn’t even seem to notice Taako’s attempts to chide him, patting his own chest like he’s surprised to have it back despite the years and years of the same thing happening. Turning to grin at Taako, slightly sheepish. 

“You beefed it really hard, my dude!” 

“But you thought it was cool, right? With the monster, and the teeth, and me going like--” He does a punching move as his body finishes up being remade, flexing even harder as Taako starts to laugh again. 

“Not at all! Fuck off, don’t make me watch you die again.” Taako’s head tilts as his voice drops from high amusement to this, something more like the truth. His hand is still over Magnus’ chest. Magnus doesn’t point out they’ll all probably die a lot more in the future. 

“Oh. Well, I’ll try harder next time. You’ll be super impressed. You might swoon.”

“Oh my god, please shut up.” 

“Can you two please actually help instead of standing around _touching_ each other or whatever?” Taako’s hand immediately snatches back at the gentle admonishment from Lup, shooting one more toothy grin at Magnus before he ducks away. 

\-- 

“He’s cute enough, I guess.” Lup’s nonchalance is, truly, very bad acting. 

“Sure.” 

“He spends, like, 80% of his energy flirting with you, you know. All the showing off, trying to get you to notice him.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“And you spend a good 20% flirting back. I’m just saying, for you, that’s kind of a lot of effort. You spend a lot of days on this death-defying adventure doing absolutely nothing but trying to make big hats fashionable again, soo _oooooo . ._.” 

“He flirts with you too! Anyway, you said it yourself, I shouldn’t give him too much attention or it’ll just make him worse. So!” Taako tries to wave a wooden spoon in her face to get her to drop it.

“So! I’m only pointing it out. In case you hadn’t noticed. And maybe to just tell you to, uh, y’know. Be a little careful.” 

Taako gives up pretending this is a casual conversation between siblings, crossing his arms from where he was trying to prepare dinner and turning to fix her with a sour look. Lup doesn’t seem to take the bait, reaching to snatch the spoon out of Taako’s grip and taking over the caramelizing of the onion herself. 

“Don’t rush that - they have to sit to brown, you know. You’re overworking it.” 

Lup ignores his fussing. “I’ve just seen how you are with boys - _sometimes_ \- and it’s a long adventure, and if things went sideways you’d have to at least tolerate each other for a while. I’m only saying I remember that guy from Combustion and Conflagrations 401 and how long you held that grudge over the guano--” 

“Well now you’re just letting them burn out of spite.” Taako tries at this point to physically wrestle the spoon back, which conveniently allows him to try and put his hand over Lup’s mouth. Just as a coincidence. It doesn’t seem to slow her down. 

“And the guy from the Frat, with the teeth and the shoulder bag thing you hated, and the guy you met at the art museum when you were going through that phase with the glasses, and--”

“What is the point of this? Reminding me I’m a dashing and beautiful heartbreaker?”

“No, dummy. The opposite. You get your heart broken.” 

“That’s mean.” 

“I’m right.” 

“You’re not. I’m simply not content with the slop and chaff of the world’s boy selection, so when they inevitably disappoint me, I take it on the chin exactly as I should. I won’t be happy with subpar boys, is my deal. No satisfaction with trash.” 

“That’s bullshit.” 

“Is it . . . ?” Taako just grins before he casts _Banish_ on Lup. She’ll be fine - a few minutes trip to another plane to get her out of his hair, and the cooking firmly back in his court. Smugly returning to the onions without a second thought. Telling him to be careful. Total hypocrisy, considering her own infatuation. Like it’s better, because she knows how to handle herself, because they’re both mature and together in ways he isn’t and probably never will be. Because she doesn’t get her heart broken, and knows how to be happy with things as they are. Sometimes. 

The onions burn as he stands there, motionless, embroiled in second thoughts. 

\--

It’s not much of a lap - Taako is built like a fashion model or a pool noodle, depending on how generous you were being. Magnus tries anyway, leaving his head on Taako’s lap, big smile beaming up at him. Taako reflects it back with his own distinct grin - one side twitched up higher than the other, lazy and condescending and somehow incredibly fond at the same time. 

Magnus wonders for a second where he learned that smile. Lup doesn’t have the same one. She’s open and bright, like staring into the sun. She isn’t quite so hard to understand because she doesn’t bother with hiding her feelings, her thoughts about the state of the world, her opinions on life, on you. Taako waxes and wanes, acting like he has a great secret he’s more than amused about hiding from you. Sometimes it’s annoying in conversation to not understand what he’s trying to get at, and sometimes it’s thrilling to feel like you’re involved in a little conspiracy, just the two of you. 

“I’d eat you alive, kitten. Gone through tougher meat than you.” Taako is toying with Magnus’ hair now, nails shorter than he usually has them, pulling through the auburn curls from the salt water. A little of the affectionate friend, a lot of the cat playing with its prey. 

“What?” Magnus had only been half paying attention, drowsy because of the sun and the comfortable feeling of hands in his hair, Taako’s rhythmic breathing. 

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Taako’s grin gets wider at that, like he’s extremely entertained at his own joke and now refuses to share it. Magnus frowns a little, not wanting to feel on the outside of Taako’s amusement, moving his head out his lap to try and grab Taako in a (gentle, because Taako’s first self-defense move was often a well placed Magic Missile) headlock, noogie-ing him until he coughs up an answer. 

“No, seriously! Tell me. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me--”

Taako nearly screams in frustration at the noogie, yanking himself out Magnus’ grip and irritatedly trying to fix his hair back into place. “Jeezy creezy! Fuck! I just meant what I said, you’re like, uh, soft pate. Not y’know, all that hard body big boy muscles stuff--” Magnus flexes for him at that, leaving Taako giggling a bit before he can continue. “Just. Inside.” 

“Well, yeah. We’re all soft on the inside, Taako, it’s called guts. Thought you were supposed to be smart?” Magnus sits up a little, trying to grab both hands around Taako’s waist to demonstrate where exactly his guts are, leaving Taako laughing helplessly and pushing at his hands before he finally Blinks out of the way, leaving Magnus to face plant directly into the ground - reappearing after a few seconds a few feet away. He’s thinking about how Taako’s waist felt between his hands for a moment too long, the thumbs almost touching, the way it jumped when he laughed. 

“That’s not what I meant! I said nevermind anyway.” Taako demurs, waving him off as if ‘nevermind’ is a magic spell that frees him of all obligations to speak, flopping back to lay in the sand instead. Magnus feels more confused than before. 

\-- 

  
  


Barry is inconsolable - unable to take comfort in any sort of soothing words or promises they’ll be able to find her, to fix this. He’s taken to obsessing. Over everything. Maps, pictures, plans, coffee, rubbing the bridge of his nose between two fingers until the skin there is red and raw. He plots routes and follows the dots of obsidian glass across the landscape, and looks a little more tired every fruitless search. Always one step behind. 

Taako _is_. 

Inconsolable isn’t the word for it. It’s too weak. _Inconsolable_ implies that Taako would be able to feel something, even if it was pure pain. Instead he’s simply . . . nothing. Magnus tries to ply the usual grins and barbs out of him with everything he has - shooting off inside jokes, purposefully tripping with hot coffee, bringing him ingredients he could cook with. Instead, Taako simply ignores him. Taako is ignoring all of them, but Magnus feels he’s getting ignored hardest of all. He’ll at least acknowledge Barry’s presence, crawling out of bed to look at maps and occasionally chime in with a theory on where she would have gone. He takes cups of tea from Lucretia, leaving them to get cold on his bedside table, but he _takes_ them at least. He rolls over to face Merle when he bustles into his bedroom to check that he’s bathed, or at least washed his face. He nods when Davenport tries to tell him their next destination. He pulls the blankets tighter when Magnus walks into the room, the weight of his Worry and Concern making the place feel even more claustrophobic. 

“I’ll go with you! I can help, you know.” 

Taako just looks at him, one hand on his chin, deep dark circles under his eyes. Then his face changes - one side of his mouth twitching up, like he’s thought of some mildly amusing joke to himself. Magnus realizes hasn’t seen him smile at all in weeks. 

“Nah.” 

“Nah?” Magnus is confused more than anything. He fights off the urge to get annoyed about it. After a hundred years of Taako, he’d think he’d understand him more, but this is as impenetrable as ever.

“Yeah, nah, bubale. I just--” Taako’s smile drifts away again, while he rolls his answer around his head. “Everyone else needs you too. Think Lucretia might be kind of . . . messed up, about the whole thing. Merle and Davenport ain’t looking so hot either. Barry could use a serious pick me up or, like, literally anything other than looking at a map. You’re, uh, bouncy. Keep ‘em going.” 

“ _You’re_ messed up about the whole thing.” Magnus wants to yell at him. He knows he can’t. That yelling will just make it worse, would cause that brief flash of his attention to disappear into stone and Taako would roll over and ignore him again. He wants to grab him under the shoulders and physically drag him up. He doesn’t. 

“Sure.” 

“So I can help. Let me help. You’re always--” Magnus makes an irritated noise, actually reaching out to touch Taako on the shoulder, beneath the blanket. Taako pulls tighter into himself, eyes bright despite how dark the circles are beneath them. “You’re always keeping me about ten feet away. It sucks.” 

Taako scoffs in response, but at that, he sits up in a rush. The hair in his braid is messy and coming undone, shirt rumpled and stale-smelling, but he’s - in this moment - very alive in a way he hasn’t seemed to have been in weeks. 

“I’m . . . pieces.” Taako’s nose wrinkles as he sticks his tongue out at his choice of words. “I wasn’t born, like, whole, y’know? There’s parts of me that are super mean and totally unable to be loved and when she was around, it was better, because we had each other and she made me seem less ugly and that version of me the only me you’ve ever met. You don’t like _this,_ because this is who I am by myself. It’s not so fun, is it? It’s nasty and gross and doesn’t cook or make goofs because it’s like half the lights have gone out, and I can’t turn them back on because all the switches are hooked up in another building. You all come in here and try and get me to talk or laugh or do something funny like I used to because you can’t stand it, you can’t stand _me_ , and that’s why you want to help. To fix it. ‘ _Put him back like he was so it’s not so annoying when he’s so sad all the time.’_ Bad news, hombre, it’s permanent. This is me. I get my heart fuckin’ broken by everything. Pieces. So if you want to help, leave me alone. Let me do my thing and get used to it.” 

Magnus sits there, hand frozen in space, feeling. 

Well. He doesn’t know what he feels. 

Angry, mostly. 

At how unfair that accusation is, at how it isn’t true. How he’s seen Taako, by himself, for a long time now. That he’s mean and nasty and sharp in all the wrong places, but not all over. Not the part that laughs when he’s around, the part that looks an equal mix of smug and desperate for approval when he sets a plate in front of them, the part that told him that he doesn’t want to see him die anymore. The part that told him a moment ago that he was worried about Lucretia and Merle and Davenport and Barry. Those are the pieces he likes. Not the act where he pretends that is a creature untouchable, hiding in the shadow of the sun. 

“Fuck you, Taako.” 

Taako’s head pops up, and one side of his mouth pulls, nasty and mean, into a grin. Magnus feels bile in his throat. No one’s gotten angry with Taako, no one has told him to pull it together - that they all miss her more than anything and that maybe he’s being an asshole. Maybe it’s the thing that will work. Maybe he just wants to be an asshole back.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, fuck you. Come on.” Magnus suddenly moves over, sitting next to him on the bed - the weight of him pulls the mattress and Taako with it to one side, and he makes a grumble at the intrusion, but doesn’t push him off. “I know who you are.” 

“You don’t. You’re whole. So, it’s different.” 

Magnus tries to put his arm around Taako’s shoulders - feeling him tense like an animal about to either fight or flee. 

“I’m way too stupid to get what you’re saying.” Taako’s grin drops. He doesn’t like the pretending either, then. 

“Fuck you too, Magnus.” Then he shoves him off the bed. 

It’s the last conversation Magnus can’t remember having with him, before it’s gone forever.


End file.
